


Buzz Buzz, Motherfucker

by helloyesIamtrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Wasps, and are trembling in fear, fear it, just read it, kill the beast, my sister and I went through this so now it's bokuto and kuroo's turn, no relationships just regrets, probably crack tbh, they fuck u up, they have a wasp in the house, wasps man, whY HE SCREAM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloyesIamtrash/pseuds/helloyesIamtrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bzzt, bzzt. </p><p>‘Oh, great,’ Kuroo had thought, ‘A fly, this early in the morning?’ He had turned around lazily, ready to let it out into the open, since it sounded like it was coming from on the back door, but the black-haired man froze when he processed what was in front of him. </p><p>A wasp, about the size of his pinky finger, was crawling up the backdoor, less than a foot away from him. </p><p>He screeched and zoomed away from the door, toast and laptop forgotten, and Bokuto promptly fell off the couch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buzz Buzz, Motherfucker

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CrimsonMoonn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonMoonn/gifts).



> People were requesting BoKuroo so here's something from the archives!   
> I actually went through this horror with my sister - the following is based on true events. My mom sent me bad wasp puns throughout this and allowed us to get junk food because of this trauma.

Kuroo sighed as he sat down to the kitchen table, still-warm toast in one hand as he typed in his password to his laptop with the other. The sun was pouring out of the back screen door, which was close to the back of his chair, and it was a welcome, warm feeling. It was a lazy Sunday morning, and Akaashi and Kenma were coming later today, but Bokuto had crashed on his couch last night when he locked himself out of his apartment. Kuroo had laughed at him for a good ten minutes, but eventually let him in. The man was currently (read: loudly) snoring on the couch in the living room, and Kuroo grimaced as he put his earbuds in, turning up the volume. Kuroo loved his Brokuto, but this was one of the main reasons he wasn’t living with him. He was about to click on a new YouTube video, when he heard something coming from behind him. 

Bzzt, bzzt. 

‘Oh, great,’ Kuroo had thought, ‘A fly, this early in the morning?’ He had turned around lazily, ready to let it out into the open, since it sounded like it was coming from on the back door, but the black-haired man froze when he processed what was in front of him.   
A wasp, about the size of his pinky finger, was crawling up the backdoor, less than a foot away from him. 

He screeched and zoomed away from the door, toast and laptop forgotten, and Bokuto promptly fell off the couch. 

“Bro, what the fuck?” Bokuto asked sleepily, slowly getting up from the pile of blankets, his hair sticking up in all directions. 

“Kill it!” Kuroo screamed, pointing at the insect as he scrambled to Bokuto. The owl frowned in confusion as he squinted his eyes, looking in the general direction of where Kuroo was pointing. His gaze finally landed on the wasp, and he was immediately was wide awake, hiding behind the other man. 

“No way, dude! Your house, you kill it! How did it even get in here?” Bokuto squawked. 

“Hell if I know!” 

“I’m not touching it!” 

“Neither am I!” They both stared each other down, before nodding and rushing up the stairs, running into Kuroo’s room and slamming the door behind them. Kuroo flopped on his bed defeatedly. 

“What do we do?” Bokuto asked worriedly, pacing the carpeted floor.

“We could call Kenma or Akaashi! They’re smart, right? They could tell us what to do!” Kuroo offered, but Bokuto cringed. 

“Bro, as much as I think that would help, they’d probably silently judge us the entire time.” 

“They would, wouldn’t they… What about Karasuno’s vice captain? He seemed nice. He didn’t take any remedial tests either, so he must be smart, too!” 

“Bro, you’re a genius! Do you have pretty boy’s number?” Kuroo nodded and sent a quick text to Karasuno’s vice captain, Suga. They had become acquaintances during the training camp, and they had exchanged numbers before Karasuno left.

Me: MOM THERE'S A GIANT ASS WASP DOWNSTAIRS IN THE KITCHEN AND WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IT'S HUGE

Suga responded right away, being the angel that he is. 

Mom Friend #1: LMAO   
Mom Friend #1: We?   
Me: Bokuto and I   
Mom Friend #1: Where is it in the house? By an exit that you can lure it out of?   
Me: Last we checked it was on my back door   
Mom Friend #1: Okay, good. Do you have any fruits in the house?   
Me: We have oranges??? Why?????????  
Mom Friend #1: Because wasps are attracted to natural sugar. You could open the door and put half an orange out there, see if it flies out there to eat it?   
Me: Mom  
Me: You are a saint  
Me: Gonna try that brb come to my funeral otherwise   
Mom Friend #1: Keep me posted! <3 

“Bro, he said we should cut half and orange and put it outside, see if the wasp is attracted to the sugar.”

“That’s so smart! Let’s try it!” Bokuto grinned, and they cautiously began to descend the stairs into the kitchen, nearing the back door. They both froze when they saw that the insect was not on the back door anymore. 

“L-Let’s look around, see if it’s dead or something.” Kuroo said, earning a nervous nod from Bokuto. After a minute or so of looking, Kuroo inhaled sharply, signaling Bokuto to come over. The wasp hadn’t gone far, it was on the garbage can near the backdoor, on top of the lid. 

“Monitor the thing, I’ll cut the orange.” Kuroo said, his voice calmer than his emotions as he cautiously went to the fridge and cut an orange in half. He then took both halves and slowly unlocked the back door, eyes on the garbage can as he set the two halves outside on his patio and went back inside, the door to freedom open for the insect. Kuroo rejoined Bokuto and stood there in terrifying silence, watching the wasp walk up and down their garbage can, but never leaving the house. This lasted for five minutes before Bokuto broke, unable to stay still for any longer. 

“That’s it.” He grumbled, and went to one of the kitchen drawers, brandishing steak tongs as he returned. He awkwardly shuffled past the garbage can, where the wasp was currently on the lid, and grabbed half of the orange with the steak tongs. Venturing back inside, he held out the orange to the wasp, clearly wanting it to go on the orange. 

“Bro, what are you doing?” Kuroo hissed, inching closer. 

“If it climbs onto the orange, then wham! I can throw it outside with the wasp on it and lock the door, problem solved!” Bokuto answered, watching Kuroo’s tone. 

“Nice thinking! I didn’t know you could do that.” Kuroo said with a cheeky grin, Bokuto sticking his tongue out in response. 

“Updated Suga, by the way. No answer yet.” 

“Oka-” Bokuto said, but froze when the wasp started to feel out the orange with its antennae. He nudged the orange closer, causing the wasp to back off slowly. 

“No, no, get on.” Kuroo muttered angrily, and Bokuto silently agreed. The wasp then cautiously approached the orange again, and Bokuto then made a scooping motion and attempted to throw the orange outside. 

“WHAM!” He yelled as he threw the orange, but he let it go too late, the curve causing the orange to fall to their side, landing upside down near a grate by the back door. 

After a small silence, they heard a loud ‘bzzt bzzt’. 

“It’s angry.” Bokuto whispered in fear, and the two hightailed it to the opposite end of the kitchen.

“Time for a last resort.” Kuroo said grimly, and knelt down to a cabinet, pulling out Raid, a spray meant for killing ants. 

“Why didn’t you try that before?” Bokuto harshly whispered. 

“It’s made for tiny ants, not angry wasps!” Kuroo bit back, matching the tone. The two idiots inched their way towards the grate, where the orange had landed. They then found the wasp laying next to the orange, wriggling, but not actually moving. 

“Die, foul beast!” Kuroo exclaimed, spraying the wasp with Raid for a solid two minutes, Bokuto cheering behind him. 

“Is it dead?” Kuroo hesitantly asked. 

“I think so?” Bokuto replied, inching forward to get a good look. “I mean, it’s not moving.” 

“Yeah, it’s dead. I’ll get a paper towel and throw it outside, okay? You put back the Raid.” Kuroo said, high-fiving Bokuto as they did. 

Mom Friend #1: Were you successful?   
Mom Friend #1: Did you kill your little flying friend? >:D   
Me: How dare you make fun of us in our time of peril   
Me: But yes it’s dead hAHAHAHAHA   
Mom Friend #1: How did you do it? Did my method work?   
Me: We tried and then the damn thing didn’t go to the orange (we waited for a while) and then brokuto got anxious and grabbed some steak tongs to lure it and throw it outside but he threw it in a curve so it landed on a grate in the kitchen and then I sprayed it with Raid for a solid two minutes and now it’s dead   
Me: So that’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back  
Mom Friend #1: Legendary.   
Mom Friend #1: I’m crying this is the best   
Mom Friend #1: I’m looking on Bokuto’s snapchat omg this is hilarious   
Me: … what 

“Bro… You put this on snapchat?” He asked Bokuto, and Bokuto nodded eagerly. 

“It’s gotten so many views! Look!” Bokuto held out his phone, showing multiple pictures of the wasp, with captions like ‘WHY IS THIS BEAST HERE FUCK’ and ‘WE’RE SO DED RIP US’. Most of the rest were blurry pictures of Kuroo and the oranges, then the orange on the ground titled ‘we fucked up so bad’. Then it was a picture of Kuroo spraying the wasp (‘my knight in shining bedhead’) and finally, a selfie of a smiling Bokuto with the dead bug in the background (‘V I C T O R Y’). 

“Bro… This is beautiful.” Kuroo said quietly, wiping a fake tear from his eye. 

“Bro, c’mere. We won. It’s over.” Bokuto said softly, opening his arms, and Kuroo embraced him in a hug. It was all over. 

Epilogue: 

At the next training camp, Kuroo and Bokuto are confused. The entirety of Karasuno’s team was pointing at them, whispering things that they couldn’t hear. 

“Oya Oya? What’s so interesting?” Kuroo asked casually as he and Bokuto approached the team. The second and third years simply snickered, though Suga kept a straight face, and the first years all shared a grin before looking them straight in the eye and muttering two words. 

“Buzz buzz.” They all said in unison, hand motions mimicking wasp wings. The rest of the team burst into laughter, and the two victims made eye contact with Suga, who simply stood there innocently, shrugging his shoulders. 

‘Touche, mom, touche.” Kuroo said as Bokuto sputtered out nonsense. This was bound to be an interesting training camp.

**Author's Note:**

> .... Don't judge me.


End file.
